Fuck The World Log

[MarkKO]

It's your first time, now you have a benchmark.

It just felt kinda wack. Months and months of hard training and it just felt like, "welp". Pathological minimization I guess. Weird thing is when I finished it I didn't even really feel like I did anything. Like I was extremely tired but all I could think was "eh it was just 26 miles"

I feel pretty much the same after a max single PR. Very, very brief moment of elation and then a real come down and realisation that it was still nothing.

Oddly enough, rep PRs I feel good about for ages.

[EggMcMuffin]

I'm a petty waste of a human being (mostly my fault at this point, honestly) but I looked up some guy who was the author of a personally traumatic experience for me surrounding fitness but that dude got fat, and not just fat but like, potbellied fat. Weird how life works out. I'm sure he's probably much happier and fulfilled than I am, so the victory is hollow. I've still never been able to wrap my mind around how cruel kids can be. They say people grow out of it but I'm convinced most people do the same shit they did in middle school but on the down low, in more complex and nuanced ways than they were able to then. Lawyers bullying you with suits and not fists, pompous class know it alls bowling you over with their advanced degrees and the criminally minded taking your Audi instead of your lunch money. Then there's the maudlin sad sacks who seemed to have no place being professional losers, adrift in silicon klick clacks to an audience of bump-captive strangers. The words I wrote will forever ring with the hollowness of church bells for an atheist, the aesthetic word sketches of a live drawn in a body graph chalk line. Something was there at one point, but its as if it never was.

Letting go is a powerful thing. Shame some of us got the premature rigor mortis going on. So sappy and grey as a December, lackadaisically rambling on to new regrets and half baked tempura chicken bakes of success. Internal temperature frigid like the first day of winter, not quite ready out of the oven but too late to put back in.

Any way, I was going to run a half marathon on a trail to make up for my lack of officiated marathon on my shitty birthday but I have to work that day and can't afford to call off because I am desperately broke. Fortunately they run the same race on the first day of 2024 so I'm going to do that instead. I expect it to be an interesting time. The elevation gain is something like 1700'.

[MarkKO]

That's a hell of a way to start the new year. Nice.

[asdf]

half marathon on a trail

Trail running > road running. Have fun!

[EggMcMuffin]

Running in the rain is interesting. Been tapering back up to half marathon distances, stamina still feels kinda wacked after two weeks and I had weird heart palpitations about 7 miles into my 8 mile run. I just rolled with it. It's whatever.

I have been bench pressing again lately because I can tell I am turning into a flabby mess and I don't really like being physically weak. Just doing 3x8 and progressing reps up to like 3x12 at which that point I'll go up 5lbs. Seems like a decent strategy. Not really sure what else to do since I like running more than lifting now and it's hard to do actual strength training while also doing a dedicated running program. I'm going to train for a faster 5K the next few months and see if I can hit 21 minute distance, but that seems pretty far fetched. It would seem to me that I can probably run that fast but just don't have the sort of work capacity to do it, since I can do 7:30-40 miles towards the end of my longer runs if I really feel like it, but it REALLY doesn't feel good to do that.





Also honest question for the peanut gallery, do I seem like a bad or fucked up person? I've been getting clowned on a lot by my coworkers and can never tell if it's just something wrong with me or I'm just surrounded by close minded idiots (and I'm trying with enormous difficulty to get out of the sort of thinking that leads me to thinking everyone is a close minded idiot). It's retail work so a lot of these people are like a decade fucking younger than me so it might just be immaturity that comes with being like 19-22ish but you never know. My older coworkers never really bother me but seem to think I'm a little insane.

[MarkKO]

Running in the rain is interesting. Been tapering back up to half marathon distances, stamina still feels kinda wacked after two weeks and I had weird heart palpitations about 7 miles into my 8 mile run. I just rolled with it. It's whatever.

I have been bench pressing again lately because I can tell I am turning into a flabby mess and I don't really like being physically weak. Just doing 3x8 and progressing reps up to like 3x12 at which that point I'll go up 5lbs. Seems like a decent strategy. Not really sure what else to do since I like running more than lifting now and it's hard to do actual strength training while also doing a dedicated running program. I'm going to train for a faster 5K the next few months and see if I can hit 21 minute distance, but that seems pretty far fetched. It would seem to me that I can probably run that fast but just don't have the sort of work capacity to do it, since I can do 7:30-40 miles towards the end of my longer runs if I really feel like it, but it REALLY doesn't feel good to do that.





Also honest question for the peanut gallery, do I seem like a bad or fucked up person? I've been getting clowned on a lot by my coworkers and can never tell if it's just something wrong with me or I'm just surrounded by close minded idiots (and I'm trying with enormous difficulty to get out of the sort of thinking that leads me to thinking everyone is a close minded idiot). It's retail work so a lot of these people are like a decade fucking younger than me so it might just be immaturity that comes with being like 19-22ish but you never know. My older coworkers never really bother me but seem to think I'm a little insane.

You seem like you might be fucked up, not bad though. More angry and hopeless than anything.

Edit: you're probably more self aware and willing to talk about things than most (at least on here), which might make you seem more fucked up and hopeless than you actually are. When I think about it, someone who really does have no hope isn't going to do anything positive. You do positive things, all the while questioning their purpose but you still do them.

Being angry and hopeless isn't really that irrational a reaction to life because a lot of it is going to make you feel that way. It's just an unpleasant reaction to have for you and the norm is to not express it. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with expressing it though.

[CheekiBreekiFitness]

I think @MarkKO makes some great points (as usual).

@EggMcMuffin to me you're not that fucked up:
- you have a job
- you're at a healthy weight
- you train pretty hard (you train harder than me lol)
- no substance abuse or prison stint
- no self destructive behaviour

You're a rather well adjusted human by all standards. Now of course, you don't have to be fucked up to experience unhappiness and that's kind of why we're here. I feel that your main problem is that you suffer from low self esteem probably due to some trauma you experienced while growing up, and also because you feel a bit lost in your current life situation. Feeling angry is OK, it's a part of the human experience. I feel that you have found non-destructive ways of dealing with your anger: running, lifting, ranting on the internet. So you're probably doing all right.

As far as being teased by coworkers whom you feel are idiots, it's probably a mixture of things:
- some people are genuinely mean and will make fun of you to feel better about themselves. In the end I feel that the vast majority of people don't care about anybody but themselves, and putting down others serves for them as a way for them to deal with their own negative emotions. In essence it's nothing personal. A dude who looks like play dooh and who can't run a mile without passing out can make fun of you lifting weights or running because you make him feel inadequate. I've had interesting stories like that.
- having low self esteem makes it easier for you to feel attacked, and sometimes you'll perceive an innocuous conversation as being a personal attack
- intelligence is not evenly distributed and you're going to have to put up with more/less intelligent people to get by and earn a living. Dealing with imbeciles in a non-destructive manner is an important skill in adult life.

PS: since I know you only based on your posts in this forum I made some assumptions, so apologies if I made wrong assumptions.

[DCR]

I have been bench pressing again lately because I can tell I am turning into a flabby mess and I don't really like being physically weak. Just doing 3x8 and progressing reps up to like 3x12 at which that point I'll go up 5lbs. Seems like a decent strategy. Not really sure what else to do since I like running more than lifting now and it's hard to do actual strength training while also doing a dedicated running program.

I think that's a very good strategy, which has resulted in countless folks neither being nor looking weak, despite not doing actual powerlifting / strength specific training. My only suggestion would be that if you're going to progress based on completing three sets, be sure that you're taking significant rests such that each set approaches only a rep or so in reserve. If you're doing 3x12 with like two minute rests, that just says that the first two sets were pointlessly easy. Alternatively, rather than progress based on completing three sets, you could just progress based on attaining one set of 12. See Stan Efferding's awesome and oft-cited write up here https://npcnewsonline.com/powerbuilding ... gym/63930/.

Also honest question for the peanut gallery, do I seem like a bad or fucked up person?

Despite knowing you only on the internet, I'm very confident that you're a good dude. Fucked up is relative.

[EggMcMuffin]

@DCR yeah oddly enough despite not having benched for months doing 135lbs 3x8 feels pretty fucking easy, so I kinda intuited what you said about the short rest times but I tend to hurt myself when doing high rep stuff with heavier weights

gonna read the Efferding article

[Culican]

I think you may be a little "fucked up" but I also think, from reading your writings, that you are brilliant. Sometimes the most brilliant people are a little fucked up. When you figure out how to use that brilliance, you will be just fine.

[EggMcMuffin]

The tradition of being sick on my birthday for the last 8 years continues. I think the constant lack of sleep is really starting to wear on me and I'm old enough now at 28 that my body really can't seem to handle it anymore.

I still signed up for a half marathon tomorrow. Probably an enormously stupid idea, but it seems to be a head cold and I'm on the third day of this and feel okayish minus the weird dizziness/light headedness which I seem to get these days with any amount of congestion. I'm going to try to run it slowly and drop out if it winds up being too much. If I feel really shitty I know I can at least run 10k even fucked up so I can also just downgrade. I honestly just wanted to do it just to close out/begin the year on a positive note. It was a rough a one.

[MarkKO]

The tradition of being sick on my birthday for the last 8 years continues. I think the constant lack of sleep is really starting to wear on me and I'm old enough now at 28 that my body really can't seem to handle it anymore.

I still signed up for a half marathon tomorrow. Probably an enormously stupid idea, but it seems to be a head cold and I'm on the third day of this and feel okayish minus the weird dizziness/light headedness which I seem to get these days with any amount of congestion. I'm going to try to run it slowly and drop out if it winds up being too much. If I feel really shitty I know I can at least run 10k even fucked up so I can also just downgrade. I honestly just wanted to do it just to close out/begin the year on a positive note. It was a rough a one.

Good decision. Also happy birthday, from someone who doesn't celebrate theirs because it embarrasses me, and has done as far as I can remember.

[mouse]

Just checking in, nothing much to add that hasn't already added. Bad? Not even close... Fucked up? Probably a bit but most of us are.

Sympathies on your illness, I as well have been suffering through some bullshit. Unlike you I've basically thrown training out the window and have filled my days with painting, building closet storage, and tearing up gnarly old carpet...

[EggMcMuffin]

ft. old lady also running half marathon stopping to marvel at the sheer bounty of the natural world

[MarkKO]

That's kinda good right?

[DCR]

It's flat awesome. Good for her, and good for you, @EggMcMuffin.

[EggMcMuffin]

Bench Press 135lb 12 8 8

This may be too light. Whatever. I'm going to be doing this every other day anyway. The big mantits of power shall return.

[MarkKO]

Bench Press 135lb 12 8 8

This may be too light. Whatever. I'm going to be doing this every other day anyway. The big mantits of power shall return.

Quoting Wendler: start too light

[EggMcMuffin]

BP 135 12 9 10

Mix up reps oops

I'm so not used to lifting weights anymore. Feels unreal that I used to routinely log 1.5-2hr sessions at the gym. I miss those days, but running is better for me overall, both physically and mentally. Hopefully I can get in a nice grove of doing a little bit of both.

[MarkKO]

Don't see why you won't. You're on the way already.