Fuck The World Log

[SnakePlissken]

@SnakePlissken
I've hated every single job I've ever had. Granted I'm a fairly traumatized, messed up dude so I have trouble enjoying things in general but I can't imagine I'm going to love anything I do. I feel like I might enjoy the trades but that ship has sorta sailed at this point in my life. Programming isn't boring for me though, it's just not something that drives me wild with passion.

Also I only go to REI to look at the clearance section since they usually have a bunch of shoes in my size, but each time I go they look at me like I'm gonna steal something lol

Not many people enjoy their jobs and that's normal. We live in a division of labor society where you have to choose some specialized field and stick with it to make a living or become a low paid, unskilled worker for life. It's not fair since everyone has to make that decision when their brain isn't fully developed yet, but it's the world we all live in. My main point is "real" jobs when you're in a career like that have a lot more responsibility than working retail so if you're in a job you hate (even if you manage to work under a boss you have a good relationship with and a company you don't mind) you'll still hate your job and have a bunch of much larger responsibilities that go along with it and it can be a burden to deal with.

I worked at Pizza Hut when I was in college and I "hated" that job, but it really wasn't that bad considering I had no real responsibilities whereas now I have to make decisions that impact a product that makes millions of dollars and my decisions could be really bad if I'm not careful. I enjoy my job, but to me having to deal with that part really sucks. This post is starting to turn into my own musing, but as an introvert I really don't like dealing with people or big decisions like that just to watch something fuck up and you get a gut wrenching feeling because you're about to have several different higher ups ask you why you dropped the ball. A lot of times I feel like a fake at my job even though I usually get good reviews, but being ADHD and being high strung all the time, my brain is always doing "what if" scenarios and ADHD has gotten me in trouble at work just because my listening skills are awful in a job where details matter. Either way I enjoy engineering so it makes it worth while.

I guess my point is if you're going into a field that you like or dislike it can be the difference between becoming a zombie that hates life and having a tolerable job that can support your life outside of work. Also for the record I think the trades are great.

[MarkKO]

I've hated every single job I've ever had. Granted I'm a fairly traumatized, messed up dude so I have trouble enjoying things in general but I can't imagine I'm going to love anything I do. I feel like I might enjoy the trades but that ship has sorta sailed at this point in my life. Programming isn't boring for me though, it's just not something that drives me wild with passion.

Also I only go to REI to look at the clearance section since they usually have a bunch of shoes in my size, but each time I go they look at me like I'm gonna steal something lol

Not many people enjoy their jobs and that's normal. We live in a division of labor society where you have to choose some specialized field and stick with it to make a living or become a low paid, unskilled worker for life. It's not fair since everyone has to make that decision when their brain isn't fully developed yet, but it's the world we all live in. My main point is "real" jobs when you're in a career like that have a lot more responsibility than working retail so if you're in a job you hate (even if you manage to work under a boss you have a good relationship with and a company you don't mind) you'll still hate your job and have a bunch of much larger responsibilities that go along with it and it can be a burden to deal with.

I worked at Pizza Hut when I was in college and I "hated" that job, but it really wasn't that bad considering I had no real responsibilities whereas now I have to make decisions that impact a product that makes millions of dollars and my decisions could be really bad if I'm not careful. I enjoy my job, but to me having to deal with that part really sucks. This post is starting to turn into my own musing, but as an introvert I really don't like dealing with people or big decisions like that just to watch something fuck up and you get a gut wrenching feeling because you're about to have several different higher ups ask you why you dropped the ball. A lot of times I feel like a fake at my job even though I usually get good reviews, but being ADHD and being high strung all the time, my brain is always doing "what if" scenarios and ADHD has gotten me in trouble at work just because my listening skills are awful in a job where details matter. Either way I enjoy engineering so it makes it worth while.

I guess my point is if you're going into a field that you like or dislike it can be the difference between becoming a zombie that hates life and having a tolerable job that can support your life outside of work. Also for the record I think the trades are great.

+1 for trades. I wish I'd gone straight into an apprenticeship out of school but there's that whole not fully developed brain issue.

I don't know how it goes in the US but in Australia at least major career changes past 30 or so are still very much viable. They take work, sure, and there's always a degree of risk involved but it's usually workable. I think the main problem that can come up with doing it is if the switch involves studying that won't get paid to do. Again, still doable but will make it much slower and more stressful. Transition to a trade is easier because you'll get paid as an apprentice. Not much, but usually just enough to squeak by for the three to four years it'll take.

I think the other aspect is having something outside of work to drive you if your career isn't one you enjoy but pays well. Ideally you'll enjoy your job mostly, of course, but IMO it's still really important to have something that's just for you outside of work.

[mouse]

+1 for trades. I wish I'd gone straight into an apprenticeship out of school but there's that whole not fully developed brain issue.

If I had a time machine I'd do this as well.

I think (hope) it's helpful that I'm letting my kids know at an early age there are several roads to take that don't all run through some super expensive degree and they can make a good living using their hands if they're willing to work for it...

[CheekiBreekiFitness]

@SnakePlissken
I've hated every single job I've ever had. Granted I'm a fairly traumatized, messed up dude so I have trouble enjoying things in general but I can't imagine I'm going to love anything I do. I feel like I might enjoy the trades but that ship has sorta sailed at this point in my life. Programming isn't boring for me though, it's just not something that drives me wild with passion.

Also I only go to REI to look at the clearance section since they usually have a bunch of shoes in my size, but each time I go they look at me like I'm gonna steal something lol

Not many people enjoy their jobs and that's normal. We live in a division of labor society where you have to choose some specialized field and stick with it to make a living or become a low paid, unskilled worker for life. It's not fair since everyone has to make that decision when their brain isn't fully developed yet, but it's the world we all live in. My main point is "real" jobs when you're in a career like that have a lot more responsibility than working retail so if you're in a job you hate (even if you manage to work under a boss you have a good relationship with and a company you don't mind) you'll still hate your job and have a bunch of much larger responsibilities that go along with it and it can be a burden to deal with.

I worked at Pizza Hut when I was in college and I "hated" that job, but it really wasn't that bad considering I had no real responsibilities whereas now I have to make decisions that impact a product that makes millions of dollars and my decisions could be really bad if I'm not careful. I enjoy my job, but to me having to deal with that part really sucks. This post is starting to turn into my own musing, but as an introvert I really don't like dealing with people or big decisions like that just to watch something fuck up and you get a gut wrenching feeling because you're about to have several different higher ups ask you why you dropped the ball. A lot of times I feel like a fake at my job even though I usually get good reviews, but being ADHD and being high strung all the time, my brain is always doing "what if" scenarios and ADHD has gotten me in trouble at work just because my listening skills are awful in a job where details matter. Either way I enjoy engineering so it makes it worth while.

I guess my point is if you're going into a field that you like or dislike it can be the difference between becoming a zombie that hates life and having a tolerable job that can support your life outside of work. Also for the record I think the trades are great.

It's a good sign. Only competent people have imposter's syndrome.

[EggMcMuffin]

I only slept three hours today, I have to work and I also have to run 4.5 miles today. I'm going to fucking die.

I probably should die. Dying is good. A man of mixed repute by thee name of Mark Rippetoe once proclaimed:

It is okay to die.

I watched one of my pets die and have been the one to find all the other ones dead. It's a particular curse for me. Maybe there is some law of attraction thing going on. I remember being with my first cat and seeing him take his final labored breaths before seeing the light goes out of their eyes. As anyone who reads my drivel probably knows I have a fairly bleak outlook and believe life is 99.9% pointless suffering (mostly because it has been for me, I'm sure you lot are doing okay. I'm pretty fucking delusional) and no longer believe in any sort of "immortal soul" to take th sting of relentless material impermanence away, but just that moment where you see something go from alive to not alive makes you wonder what the hell it is to really be "alive".

I didn't see my second childhood cat die, but I found her dead under my dad's car when I was testing out these aftermarket gauges on my Miata. I can no longer look at them without feeling sad, which is every time I drive the car. I pulled up and I saw her keeled over under the car. She could be a real jokes gal so at first glance I was like "hey what you doing down there at 2AM" and realized almost instantly that whatever made the tiny grey cat the tiny grey cat was gone forever. My brother had to take her body because I couldn't do it.

She had vomited out a lot of blood and look surprised, almost scared in death. I have to wonder if she knew she was dying and was trying to cross the street to get to the front door. I have had over 7 cats and they are far more sentient, feeling and rich than most people give them credit for.

I'm 27, have no career prospects or any other prospects at all in any sense and am generally sort of a waste of oxygen so find me under the nearest 2007 Honda Accord near you sometime soon.

[DanCR]

You gotta quot with these ASPCA posts. Just trying to enjoy Super Bowl Sunday and suddently it’s all dusty in here.

I only slept three hours today

This is a thing that you control. Stop it.

I have had over 7 cats and they are far more sentient, feeling and rich than most people give them credit for.

Facts.

[EggMcMuffin]

@DCR

These clopens suck fucking balls. I've actually been sleeping pretty normally lately. Running several miles helps a lot. I think I might just drop all my other goals and run a marathon this year. It seems doable. I have all morning classes so having structure helps. I had one of my music professors tell me that "you seem like you just want structure and stability" and I realized he was super right. Without responsibilities I really go down the shitter.

My physics professor was insinuating that I should drop out of my degree because he teaches at CalTech/MIT levels of rigor at a community college and I can't hack it, so I might need a new set of responsibilities soon I'm getting too old for this shit

[DanCR]

I had one of my music professors tell me that "you seem like you just want structure and stability" and I realized he was super right. Without responsibilities I really go down the shitter.

I think this is 90% of people (me very much included, in my case arguably to a fault). Having structure and stability provides a sense of control, such that you can ignore that nagging feeling that your life really is being buffeted about by external forces about which you can do nothing. For sure, this can lead to complacency as a slave, but at least one can sleep easy and worry about breaking out tomorrow.

[Culican]

I have had over 7 cats and they are far more sentient, feeling and rich than most people give them credit for.

I have three of those wooden boxes that hold cat ashes after they've been euthanized; there were a few others that were never put into boxes. Then there are the four living ones now that will eventually end up as ashes ... either before or after I do. That's just the way the universe works.

[mouse]

I only slept three hours today

This is a thing that you control. Stop it.

This is an absolute lie and you are a liar lol.

That myth is a close second to an IG influencer telling me I need to 'minimize' my stress.

Well yeah dipshit, wouldn't we all love to be able to just turn off our stress...


I've had exactly one cat I liked in my life, cried real tears when she got sick and I had to have her put down. I like to play with cats, especially kittens, but I'd never want to take care of another after her...

[DanCR]

I only slept three hours today

This is a thing that you control. Stop it.

This is an absolute lie and you are a liar lol.

That myth is a close second to an IG influencer telling me I need to 'minimize' my stress.

Well yeah dipshit, wouldn't we all love to be able to just turn off our stress...

Sure if it’s insomnia or stress related inability to sleep despite trying. I assumed my dude was up til 4am fucking around with some bullshit. @EggMcMuffin, my bad if you were not in fact fucking around.

I've had exactly one cat I liked in my life, cried real tears when she got sick and I had to have her put down. I like to play with cats, especially kittens, but I'd never want to take care of another after her...

I’ve found that the only way past it is a new one (cat or dog), but then I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about when the same fate will come for the new one. Life can be cruel as fuck.

[EggMcMuffin]

From other 4.5 mile run the other day. Fairly slow but I did it on 3 hours of sleep, shit absolutely sucked. Felt like I was literally going to shit myself the entire time.

I got admitted into a really shitty CSU and will probably accept. My GPA is ass for a variety of reasons but I'm old enough to realize that I am indeed every bit as lazy, dumb and as undisciplined as I thought I was a depressed 17 year old.

Sometimes you just gotta accept it and work with what you got. That's just how life is. Some people come out the womb and have every advantage and basically never struggle. Everyone has struggles, but you have to define "struggle". I was born to two illegal immigrants from Mexico (oooohhh, they broke the law!!!!!) who themselves were born to illiterate peasants in the slums of the city and the boonies respectively. My childhood was filled with abuse, ambient gang violence and all of the kinds of humiliations and painful realizations that come with not being all that well off. I didn't get it as bad as the kids whose parents worked at fucking Burger King or picked berries out in the valley since my dad was eventually lucky enough to get citizenship and a job in a union warehouse but I remember when I moved to where I lived now seeing how I had Payless shoes that had holes worn through the soles for over a year whereas everyone else had brand new name brand shit from Westfield Valley Fair that their parents bought them seemingly every month. Parents that had never laid a finger on them in rage at having to grind themselves away at shitty jobs that saw them as "dumb brown person who barely speaks English". My mom was a maid for many years before I was born. My dad delivered pizzas and cashiered almost 80 hours a week.

I remember being in the 7th grade and hearing how everyone elses dad worked at fucking Cisco or something.

Parents didn't believe in mental illness, I don't believe in mental illness so you have this kid who is slowly realizing that society is sorta fucked and then drops out of highschool because he couldn't deal.

The Bay Area is a hard place to grow up. It seems like every other person has a massive dick, drives a Mercedes or graduated from Tsinghua University or Harvard or UC Berkeley with honors and also deadlifts 900 and has a profoundly deep pussy and even deeper pockets or some combination of those aforementioned qualities or even in some cases all of the above! Me? I'm fucked.

I remember when I was in PE once in the 8th grade this Mexican kid who was from one of those middle class families where they don't speak any Spanish and hate other Mexicans came up to me on the treadmill and set the pace to 5:00/mi and was like "YOU SEE WHAT I DO!? I DO THAT FOR JUAN. MILE." which he actually did since he ran a 5:04 mile later that year with no warmup which was still to this day one of the most insane things I've ever seen. For some reason, I feel like that anecdote alone sums up my experience of living in this beautiful shithole.

Where I grew up, there was a side of town that if you were Mexican you were only there to mow lawns for executives or actuaries or accountants or do their laundry. I remember this one white kid when I was growing up used to tell me to mow his lawn. I don't really enjoy mowing lawns so I said no. He didn't seem to like that. I think he may have physically threatened me but despite being smaller and weaker than boys younger than me I didn't really give a shit because by that point I'd been beat by my parents and my peers enough times to have no fear of physical violence. To this day I still think to myself that if someone kicked my ass as an adult I would just take it with no complaints, like if I were at the dentists office and it was just routine discomfort. The worst that happens is maybe you die, and death is probably a relief given the amount of bullshit and fart huffing you have to put up with in this life.

Running marathons is routine discomfort. I may be at the back of the pack, but I can still say I at least tried.

[hector]

That was a cool entry. Sounds like a wild upbringing. I look forward to following your marathon training.

[MarkKO]

Seems to me like you're one tough SOB.

What you've been through has broken many other people and yet here you are, still going forward.

Might not seem like it, but eventually things are most probably going to get better.

[EggMcMuffin]

I don't understand why I seem to be permanently stuck at 173lbs. Might need to start tracking again but even when I was eating 2000 calories a day on top of lifting I wasn't losing ANY weight at all. Now that I can only afford to eat like twice a day I'm still at that weight, even with all the running I'm doing. The Feigenbong crowd says running (and lifting) is basically negligible in terms of calorie expenditure so maybe I need to cut calories down to 1500 but that seems genuinely impossible without straight up just dying during exercise.

Like if I was 165 or so I'd be chill, I'd rather be skinnier than fatter even if it means I'm a little weaker. The time I ran SS embarasses the fuck out of me now realizing how fucking fat I got. I went from like 135lbs to 220lbs in two years. Ridiculous. Maybe it's like stress or something.

[DanCR]

The time I ran SS embarasses the fuck out of me now realizing how fucking fat I got. I went from like 135lbs to 220lbs in two years.

At least you DTFP.

[EggMcMuffin]

Ran 5.5 miles in the pouring rain today. I don't have trail shoes so I got soaked. Rain poncho came in clutch though. My Miata needs a clutch. I need a lobotomy. We all need things.

Running is genuinely probably harder than lifting. Rippetide is full of shit, this is WAY harder. Lifting made me want to cry a few times, but at least you can give up and go home and feel like you're not a complete failure. If you give up while you're running you're now several miles from your home or car and you have the whole distance to walk back thinking about what a pathetic fucking loser you are. Or what a temporarily challenged alpha male you are. I have no idea what the thought process of the average male is like. I assume its pretty far removed from what mine is like.

In a way I find it deeply hilarious that I'm wracked with insecurity and doubt. Like I didn't see a single person out on the trail today and the whole time I'm running in the freezing rain (it snowed at sea level in California ) "I'm like damn I deserve to suffer like this". I guess it's made me resilient in a really twisted way. Probably not as resilient as most normal people who weren't raised by insane dickheads, but you gotta take what you can get in this life.

Some guy was screaming at my coworker on Friday and she looked like she was gonna cry so she was like "help ((" and I awkwardly amble over, bespectacled skinny fat dweeb that I am and immediately get mega-abused by this contractor and I'm just like "OK". If he called me stupid I probably would have thanked him. "I needed that."

Century of the self and all that, but I'm trying to monitor how many times I use "I" in my writing. I'm failing miserably. Self loathing is just an inverted form of narcissism, not that narcissists (actual, clinical narcissists, not your big dick boss with 7.5 inch Mercedes and diesel 420SEL penis) aren't also self loathing.

[DanCR]

Yes yes yes.

[EggMcMuffin]

I finished the entire training block.



Took about an hour to run 6.5 miles. Overshot a little, was supposed to be a 10k.

I like running more than lifting because it feels like actual penance for having committed some horrible crime in a past life. I'm becoming increasingly mired in the idea that I'm living in a doomed life. I was raised a good little Catholic boy as most M*xicans are and when I was in my first (miserable failure of an attempt) stab at college I thought people self flagellating for having sinned was the coolest fucking thing ever.

I remember the father at my bible study as a kid saying that you start out life in the same way as his robes: pristine and white, free of blemishes. As time goes on the robe gets dirty, and forgiveness of sin is a lot like putting it into the wash. After God forgives, you will be just as you were when you were born.

Religion is probably an enormous crock of shit given the amount of unbridled evil and misery in the world, but I like the ideas of personal redemption and penance, and of doing good works.

I think my struggle for next few years is trying to rid myself of the idea that I'm living in a doomed life. I'm pretty attached to being a miserable cunt. Not really sure why. I think I've seen enough of the dark side of human nature and ugliness overall to ever feel like life isn't just some horrible nightmare to be endured, but at the same time that is a pretty ridiculous mindset to live your life with.



Half marathon is next probably.


Also, how does anyone even know I'm actually running these distances? I could just be making shit up. Food for thought.

[Culican]

Also, how does anyone even know I'm actually running these distances? I could just be making shit up. Food for thought.

A training log doesn't have to be true to be useful.