Tales from the Office Space: Complain about your coworkers

[5hout]

My company sent out attaboy gifts to a bunch of people that pulled epic hours to make a project happen despite delays. Except, it was 10 dollar starbucks gift cards AND they never said who they were from. Finally HR hard to awkwardly reach out and tell people it wasn't a spam/scam email and the gift card was real (a week later).

But that's not what I'm here for.

On call last night. Counsel asks what the timeline is on current task. Manager punts to me, I explain 2-3 weeks (but you know, holidays, so might be a little fuzzy/towards the backend). We talk for 10m. Manager sums up saying "so we'll go hands off next Monday or Tuesday". Counsel ignores this, asks another question and we all go our merry way. This morning manager points out "Hey, I know I said Monday or Tuesday, but it really seems like it should be 2-3 weeks, let's write that up and send it."

Sounds good boss, let's do that! This is more funny than anything. Also, I have a bonus day off for hunting b/c I didn't get a deer in rifle season so my manager asked why I was working on Wednesday and not hunting.

[BostonRugger]

Am in logistics. Part of new gig is creating holiday operating schedules for distribution centers. This is a $15B retailer so naturally I do this in an excel document.

Me, in Sept, re: Thanksgiving schedule: "hey distribution centers, here's schedule. If any issues, please let me know before I give this to purchasing and to the stores."

Them (the week before Thanksgiving) "we need to make a bunch of changes."

Me, three weeks ago, re Christmas schedule: "hey distribution centers, here's schedule. If any issues, let me know asap so we don't have a repeat of Thanksgiving"

You'll never guess what's happening right now.


ETA: Shoot the deer, @5hout

[5hout]

@BostonRugger venison secured.

[5hout]

Mandatory Paid Training.

1. "Wear your ID badge at work, but not outside the office." [I don't have a badge, and have never worked on site, and this company doesn't use ID badges AFAIK from people that do work on site]
2. "Don't respond to phishing emails". Literally cannot send emails outside company on my work account.
3. "Contact your compliance team if you have security concerns." Maybe we have one, but I've never seen/heard/met/talked with or seen their contact info.

[Philbert]

Mandatory Paid Training.

1. "Wear your ID badge at work, but not outside the office." [I don't have a badge, and have never worked on site, and this company doesn't use ID badges AFAIK from people that do work on site]
2. "Don't respond to phishing emails". Literally cannot send emails outside company on my work account.
3. "Contact your compliance team if you have security concerns." Maybe we have one, but I've never seen/heard/met/talked with or seen their contact info.

This is what happens when you contract your mandatory training curriculum development to an outside entity with no knowledge of day to day operations, and have the curriculum approved by a member of management, also with no knowledge of day to day operations.

[mouse]

Mandatory Paid Training.

1. "Wear your ID badge at work, but not outside the office." [I don't have a badge, and have never worked on site, and this company doesn't use ID badges AFAIK from people that do work on site]
2. "Don't respond to phishing emails". Literally cannot send emails outside company on my work account.
3. "Contact your compliance team if you have security concerns." Maybe we have one, but I've never seen/heard/met/talked with or seen their contact info.

This is what happens when you contract your mandatory training curriculum development to an outside entity with no knowledge of day to day operations, and have the curriculum approved by a member of management, also with no knowledge of day to day operations.

I would take this over having to click through yet another slideshow about pronouns any day...

[broseph]

Do you all have obesity sensitivity training where you work?

We have the same one annually, and the first slide is something about fat-shaming being the last socially acceptable form of prejudice. In lighthearted private conversations with my boss I often work in a little fat shame and then remind them that it's still socially acceptable.

[5hout]

So far, no obesity training, but apparently monthly training is the new rule so I might be so lucky.

[mouse]

Yesterday the sometimes annoying QC neighbor who moved in next to my desk was describing an ugly sweater contest she won at the place she came from.

When she described her sweater as featuring the torso of a "fat hairy guy with tattoos" one of our older female operators (who I am chummy with) reflexively turned her head/eyes a bit towards where I was sitting (to the side/behind her).

I called her on it and told her we aren't friends anymore and a good laugh was had by all...

Ouch, my pride.

[5hout]

Work thinks I'm going to read emails for 1600 hours a year through an overlay of "COMPANY NAME/NAME/DATE/CONFIDENTIAL". No, I will not be working at a job that is 95% reading emails/text trying to peer through an overlay tiled across the screen. This is among one, of many, changes kicking in this year that mean I'm looking to move. Been here since ~2016.

If anyone needs a Relativity pro/Review Manager hit me up.

Skills:
RelServer/RelOne: While not a Rel Admin my skills are far beyond most review attorneys at Rel. Can create permissions (correctly, so people only see what they need to see to do their job and cannot cause problems by having too many permissions), coding layouts, batches, QC workflows and (essentially) all the Relativity stuff needed to move docs through 1P, QC, release to counsel, redactions, privilege logging, QC of privilege logging and prep of exportable privilege logs. If you have docs loaded into Rel and a review team standing by, I can train them on review and run the project until we hand releases off for approval.

QC: I regularly design custom QC workflows taking into account project specific considerations, feedback from counsel and data analytics based on what issues have been observed with coding. Train and lead a QC team through cost-efficient QC of documents and get docs released to counsel on a timely and regularly fashion. Additionally, can (as needed) break a QC team into subteams for random sampling of current review + handling of regular releases of QC'd documents.

Counsel: Skilled at working between counsel and the review team, especially at providing appropriate context around reviewer questions to enable counsel to answer the question the reviewers are confused about. Along with this I take the answers from counsel and insure that the review team properly understands the answers and is appropriately implementing them (neither over, nor under, correcting).

Redactions: Substantial experience with redactions in Rel, native and some experience using Exolution (including custom Regex I wrote for use in Exolution). With redactions I've trained new reviewers and review teams to do redactions in Rel, and do them in accordance with client-specific instructions, plus redaction specific QC workflows to quickly make sure the team is properly aligned and redacting the correct info. Redaction experience includes priv, PII, PPI, PHI, financial data, protected non-priv data and FERPA info.

Privilege Logging: Can design and build a privilege log coding layout with options from scratch, take a pre-existing or prior-used coding layout and update it or work on training a review team to write appropriate custom privilege log entries. Many projects of full spectrum quality control on privilege logs, including data processing using Excel/Regex to output Rel To/From/CC/BCC info and have it used in the log in a customized and readable format. I can train and run a small team (when time permits) or take a large team and efficiently utilize them to produce a priv log on a tight deadline.

Team Management: Multiple years of working to keep review teams moving quickly and efficiently without becoming complaisant or error-prone in a remote review setting. Training and hand-holding reviewers in document review, remote review and helping them get logged in and work with various OS setups, tech issues or attorneys-with-technology issues. Primarily I have been more inward facing, so lots of handholding and reviewer expectations management work, but have also spent time directly working with counsel to explain and demonstrate review team competence and appropriate production levels.

Reports: Experience designing and building reports using Google Sheets, Excel and Relativity exported data showing what the team is doing on a daily/weekly/monthly basis, where issues might be arising and showing that money is being efficiently spent on review. Exceptionally skilled at providing appropriate interpretations and context for data to avoid errors caused by using data for support, not illumination.

CAL/TAR: Lots of practical experience and training review teams on the peculiarities of reviewing CAL/TAR models and keeping counsel's expectations appropriate to the specific project. CAL/TAR key skills include rapid feedback to reviewers to make sure the model is trained appropriately from the start, consistent weekly (or faster) QC releases to keep counsel appraised of progress and keep the model consistently trained in line with feedback the review protocol, designing/managing family reconciliation workflows to match the project requirements and Elution/model verification processes and explanations.

Remote Review: I have been doing fully remote review since 2016, 4 years before the Covid related WFH rush, and am skilled at working with review teams to keep production at an appropriate pace while doing remote review. This includes accounting for the lack of side conversations to reveal gaps in understanding, creating new screenshots/presentations/screenshares showing (not just telling) reviewers project specific information and helping reviewers with technical or computer issues to keep an appropriate pace despite facing many large spreadsheets/slideshows.

Review Areas: In a decade of document review I've probably done at least a few projects in almost any field, but particularly common fields includes IP/Patents (I am a licensed patent attorney), Data Breaches, Mortgage Backed Securities/Financial Cases, FTC Second Requests, commercial contract litigation, antitrust cases and medical billing/government payment fraud issues. However, with over 100 cases, varying from a few days/weeks to over a year, my field is "document review" and project management in general, not any specific legal area.

Downside: Absent special need (which does not include "we like having people work weekends to show progress") I do not work weekends or outside normal business hours. I have no issue working late on occasion, or taking a laptop and working on the road to handle an emergency.

Squat: 505 (wraps), Bench 265, Deadlift 405, so my opinions are at least 1175 freedom units strong.

[alek]

@5hout, you and @DCR should start your own practice together. I'll take 1% as idea man.

[5hout]

I had a short honest conversation with my manager about the new changes and my future. 2 hours later: "so there's a new project kicking off, let's jump on that one. It might not go for a while but will be a bridge as we find a big one". Me: ??? did you not pay attention to our conversation this morning?

[DCR]

@5hout, you and @DCR should start your own practice together. I'll take 1% as idea man.

Only if @DoctorWho is in as well.

@5hout, I wish that I had connections in this area and could help but I unfortunately don’t. I reached out to one contact today that I thought might be of use, but found out otherwise. That said, I may not be fully understanding potential targets - feel free to pm me if you want to educate me a bit more, and I’ll query you there.

[5hout]

@DCR I'll PM if, but basically job title I'm looking for is review manager/document review manager/in-house liason for document review services. Anyone who needs, would know right off. Pretty "small" field in terms of people needing this full time, but I figured I'd post here (and I sent feelers to other legal peeps) to check the field. Right now I've got some minor interest already and (in an effort to not blindside my direct manager who is awesome) I was extremely clear, if not blunt. He's taking it up the chain... I'm not sure I think it'll help, but he's earned the chance to try.

[DCR]

@DCR I'll PM if, but basically job title I'm looking for is review manager/document review manager/in-house liason for document review services. Anyone who needs, would know right off. Pretty "small" field in terms of people needing this full time, but I figured I'd post here (and I sent feelers to other legal peeps) to check the field. Right now I've got some minor interest already and (in an effort to not blindside my direct manager who is awesome) I was extremely clear, if not blunt. He's taking it up the chain... I'm not sure I think it'll help, but he's earned the chance to try.

That was what I wanted to clarify - am I reading right that your employer is the law firm itself, not with the agency providing the doc review services, i.e. you liaison with the agency on behalf of the firm?

[5hout]

@DCR I'll PM if, but basically job title I'm looking for is review manager/document review manager/in-house liason for document review services. Anyone who needs, would know right off. Pretty "small" field in terms of people needing this full time, but I figured I'd post here (and I sent feelers to other legal peeps) to check the field. Right now I've got some minor interest already and (in an effort to not blindside my direct manager who is awesome) I was extremely clear, if not blunt. He's taking it up the chain... I'm not sure I think it'll help, but he's earned the chance to try.

That was what I wanted to clarify - am I reading right that your employer is the law firm itself, not with the agency providing the doc review services, i.e. you liaison with the agency on behalf of the firm?

Currently I'm employed by the agency, and that's my background/expertise, but in the last 2 years I've spent a lot more time doing go-between tasks and think I might be better suited to jump to the firm side. A few things I've noticed that firms could improve on via using a dedicated liaison with a review/technical background are:

1. Writing protocols for reviewers that fulfill the firm's needs, but also accurately communicate what the firm wants the reviewers to do. Especially with the shift to remote review and smaller teams you need to really drill down to the basic details of what you want them to do on each document/family in Relativity (or some other review software). If you want certain codes always set with other codes it's indicate this in a footnote, you need a graphic showing the buttons pressed and explaining when/why. If you want reviewers prevented from selecting certain codes with codes (through use of event handlers (technical term)) you need to be able to explain this to the support team and verify it was done correctly, something most attorneys/paralegals lack the technical background to do efficiently.

2. Implementing firm QC workflows more nuanced than "1:1 review" or "we sample 20% of docs" and then going into Rel and doing this (or at least verifying what you asked for is what you got). Because a lot of attorneys struggle with the tech side of review they ask for workflows to be set up using non-technical language and then get handed a best-guess implementation that is often different from what they want. This is only found it weeks/months in, and it causes problems. Firms would benefit from someone with the technical skills to ask correctly and verify the ask was done correctly, now, not 3 months into review.

3. Better interpretation of data/team analytics and review team reports. As Early Case Assessment (ECA) and other technical aids get better review rates are dropping (because reviewers spend more time reviewing actual docs of interest vs 500 icons (RIP easy days)). However, you still have a range from 20 docs per hour (dph) to 80 dph depending on the project and workflows. Knowing when you're being delivered good value-for-money vs not is something I have seen most firms struggle with. DPH will depend on the docs, the protocol, the coding layout, family rules, event handlers, ECA, and the rate of huge spreadsheets/powerpoints. Having someone on the firm's side that can say (when there is still time to change the protocol/rules and capable of providing effective alternative solutions) means the firm can better assess is the DPH reasonable and (in the protocol drafting phase) what rules will tend to create what DPHs.

That said, I'm looking for both sides right now and would happily stay on the agency/review company side running review teams/assisting with running review teams.

[mouse]

Prologue: the assembly lines where I'm at are largely skeletons made of aluminum extrusion with interchangeable plates based on whatever they're building that day. They typically are 1/4 - 3/8 thick 6061 aluminum of varying widths, but about 14 inches deep. We use half inch hardware to locate the front of the plate, and threaded knobs to secure the plate in the back with a t nut...

The Tale: we have a young engineer here that I'm working with who typically keeps to himself (to a fault) but is also notorious for not actually fastening the plates/nests he's developing to a bench. It's not usually a big deal because he at least puts in the locating hardware which keeps the plate in place unless you lift it off.

Well cut to the chase today and ya boy took a ~10 lb half inch thick 14"x14" aluminum bouncy bomb to the shin. The other guys on the line witnessed a master class in self control as I about whipped it through a wall.

To make matters better, as I angrily threaded the holes for some inserts to make sure this didn't happen again he walked by and told me "I didn't need to do that" because it "wasn't for" the product. Homeboy came dangerously close to a mother-effering.

Epilogue: my shin hurts like all hell and it will be a nasty bruise but it's less painful than the EHS reporting id have to do so this one is between me, you, my wife, and the grave...

Goddamn kids

[5hout]

Company posts a job. Requirements: Willing to work nights/weekends/all hours of the day, 60/70+ hours per week and lawyer admitted to the bar in at least 1 state. Guy applies, interviews, works job for 4 months. Slow week so someone asks him to do some grunt work instead of management work and he responds "I'm only a paralegal, I can't do the grunt work". Apparently no one bothered to read his resume and discover that he only said he attended 3 semesters of law school (and did not disclose being a lawyer).

They moved him to sales in a Dilbertesq "The only thing a salesman needs is giant balls and the ability lie by omission" move.

He does sales training, start working in sales and then says he's leaving the country for 3 weeks of vacation and someone needs to cover his tasks.

He is still employed.

[Brackish]

Company posts a job. Requirements: Willing to work nights/weekends/all hours of the day, 60/70+ hours per week and lawyer admitted to the bar in at least 1 state. Guy applies, interviews, works job for 4 months. Slow week so someone asks him to do some grunt work instead of management work and he responds "I'm only a paralegal, I can't do the grunt work". Apparently no one bothered to read his resume and discover that he only said he attended 3 semesters of law school (and did not disclose being a lawyer).

They moved him to sales in a Dilbertesq "The only thing a salesman needs is giant balls and the ability lie by omission" move.

He does sales training, start working in sales and then says he's leaving the country for 3 weeks of vacation and someone needs to cover his tasks.

He is still employed.

Stories like these are the reason I don't really worry about losing my job because I know that incompetency like this exists. So, I should easily be able to find and hold a job in the private sector, if it ever comes to that, because I'm not a complete and utter moron.

[platypus]

I recently spoke with a friend who's an accountant. He's 26 and about to become a partner in his firm. He mentioned they won't fire anybody because it's so hard to hire anyone. They've got people who show up three hours late unannounced or skip work entirely on a regular basis, go to client meetings dressed unprofessionally, cuss in front of customers, etc.

I worked in a factory last summer, admittedly a very different sort of work environment, and it was even worse. People would randomly leave work in the middle of the day, tell the boss in no uncertain terms what they thought of him, very openly smoke blunts or do dabs during breaks. Even the foreman. And we were so desperate for people that the boss would call employees who quit and ask them to come back to work.